Two Years Ago Today

Wow! Just. Wow. I can hardly believe it has been 2 years since TJ died. There are times when it seems like just yesterday, but mostly it seems like my life with TJ is so far, far in the past.  Yes, I think of him often. He didn't deserve the hand he was dealt. He was too young to lose his life to cancer. He was a good man and deserved to live a long and healthy life.  I miss him.  I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.

The fact is though....I am not the one who died and I needed to continue on and have a happy life.  It took me a while to reach that point without a doubt.  I always believed it, but I wasn't living it. I had a lot happen in my life after he died.  I couldn't afford our home on my own so I had to move, I had to put one of our dogs down, my Mom died, I was in a horrible truck accident, and the hardest thing was that I had to put his dog, Shiner, down. Yes, it has been a tough 2 years, but in my opinion I have kicked ass!

I told people in the beginning, "It is all about me now!" No more compromising, I do what I want to do, with whom I want to do it.  I have embraced being single.  I love it! I do date, but I keep them at a distance.  I have been seeing a guy since July and we have an agreement that we only see each other every other week. Sometimes even that is too much for me. I like the freedom that being single brings with it. I am truly enjoying working on projects around my house on the weekends. I even impress myself with what I am able to accomplish on my own.

When I bought my house I got one with a pool.  TJ never wanted a pool. I also now have a fireplace that I love. TJ & I didn't have a fireplace in our home. I put pink in my bedroom and master bath. Something TJ would never have tolerated.  Most recently, I put a RED vanity top in my master bath. I have always loved and wanted a red top but TJ always put his foot down.

So, today, I am celebrating and not bemoaning that TJ has been gone 2 years.  I am celebrating ME. I am celebrating that I can do this and I can do it well. I am celebrating how far I have come and my new plans for the future.  I do have a future. A future full of life and love. I am not just living, I am thriving!

Am I tooting my own horn? Hell yes I am! My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.  It is not always puppies and ice cream but it is pretty darn good. Even when it isn't good, I have learned to hunker down and wait for the storm to pass.  Storms always pass, and when they do the sun comes out. Sometimes there is even a rainbow after the storm.

It's not the strongest that survive, nor the most intelligent....it's the one most adaptable to change. ~ Darwin

I have spoken with a friend, fellow widow and blogger about how I feel about the anniversary of TJ's death and this is what she had to say http://crazywidow.info/?p=3761 .