I have split my life into two sections. My life with TJ before he died and my new life without TJ. There are so many things that I want to hold onto from my past life. Sure, I will always have my memories, but there are other things that are slowly and piece by piece slipping through my fingers. Last August I had to put TJ's dog, Shiner, down and that was very much like losing a part of TJ. Last week I put Okie down. While Okie was 100% my baby he was still from my past life. Our home is gone. My truck is gone. These are just a few of the little bits and pieces of my past life that are falling off and out of my reach. It scares me to think that soon all I will have left is my memories.
Some days I struggle with the conflict between my future and watching my past slowly slip to mere memories. I believe there is always a way to turn your life around if you look for it hard enough and it is never too late to start again. It is the letting go of that past life that is hard. It hurts, but the hurt reminds me of what was, and is beautiful. Of what I've known, and lost. Of love given, and love taken away. The more it hurts, the deeper the ache, the sweeter the memory. So, while I hate the hurt, I have learned to live with it.
There is no pain like losing someone you love. It takes a lot of courage to allow yourself to be happy again. I am happy again. I have learned that it is not about having the answers in life; rather it is about the search for those answers. I know that I am free to live my life as I want to; with my heart wide open and my soul alive with song.
"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." ~ Denis Waitley
i get uplifted by your progression. so glad you are getting to where you are.
ReplyDeleteYou are an inspiration to me. Thank you for sharing your journey. It is helping me so much!!
ReplyDeleteB E A U T I F U L.
ReplyDeleteIt's like being reborn, isn't it, Sandy?
Xxxx Love Love Love.
I am grateful that you let us, your readers, follow you along the way on this journey of tears and joy. I am happy that you are turning corners and moving forward to the life that is waiting for you.
ReplyDeleteIt's a beautiful post Sandy. It is sad but very positive too. You are ready to move on. Moving on and letting go doesn't mean we forget, its just that we live again Much love <3
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of the comments made. Embrace the future and never forget the past.
ReplyDeleteI like the quote at the end of your post. Sometimes when I am sitting in my RV, alone, I think of how my life would be different if my husband was still alive. It is difficult to move on, but we must and the memories are always there to make us wonder and think about.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy that you've found a good place Sandy.
ReplyDeleteIt has been a privilege to watch you on your journey of growth and discovery. I have ached with you and for you. I sitll do. But I also rejoice for you. And you have such really clear perspective now. I'm so happy for you.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry about Okie -- that had to be so very hard. I understand about pieces of the past slipping away -- but I suppose that is part of life, isn't it.
ReplyDeleteYou are so strong -- I admire your ability to keep going, Sandy. xoxo
My dearest cuz...only take "one day atta time". You can not live in the past. You can have the memories...but that is what they are memories that will warm your heart each day. It is up to you to live in the present, not the future, but the present. Live each day, love each day, dance each day, laugh each day...I think you get my drift...one day atta time.... luv ya!
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