The Triggers That Lead To Pain

I still periodically run across triggers that bring tears to my eyes. My triggers vary widely; songs, smells, sights, sounds, words from other people. Going back to "The Shack" was a huge trigger for me. I had thought it through in my head and had myself convinced I was going to be fine. Nope....I cried.

Songs/music is another trigger for me, but not all of it is bad. There is some music that when I hear it will bring back a memory from deep in the recesses of my mind and put a smile on my face. But, of course, there is other music that no matter where I am or what I am doing will put tears in my eyes.

He Called Me Baby by Candi Stanton - Need I say more

Crying For Me by Toby Keith - Most of you probably don't know, but TJ was a left handed guitar player

Home by Michael Buble - I just want my old life back sometimes...I want to go home, but I can never go home again.

If you aren't familiar with any of the above songs click the link and give them a listen. They are all wonderful songs by their own right.

Last week I bought some overripe bananas to make banana bread. I couldn't bring myself to do it. TJ loved my banana bread and I thought the smell of it cooking would be too much. I threw the bananas in the garbage this morning.  Good thing I only spent 79 cents! Yet, there are other things that I cook that TJ loved and it doesn't bother me at all.

The sight of Shiner many times brought me to tears. Shiner was 110% TJ's dog and whenever I looked at him I saw TJ. I had to put him down last August and it broke my heart.

Good grief! Do they both have that don't bother us look on their faces or what?

Sounds! Oh my are there so many sounds that trigger me. Maybe not always tears, but a flash flood of memories. TJ was a carpenter when I met him and then we started our own crane service. The sound of a Skil Saw, a large diesel truck, the backup beeper on a large truck (he backed his crane in everyday when he came home from work), a nail gun, the hydraulics of a boom being extended. These are the sounds that I don't hear as frequently as I used to and it is those sounds that make me turn my head and acknowledge the memories.

Words from other people....I am over all the stupid stuff people say and have said....with one exception. This one exception does bring me to tears.....he is not my EX husband. Being apart is not something either one of us chose. You can call him my dead husband, my late husband, my husband that has passed away but he is not my EX!

We all have triggers, although some of us don't have such overpowering reactions. These associations can be limiting and paralyzing and can cause physical and mental pain that is completely unrelated to our current circumstances. They divorce us from the present and thrust us into a dark, painful past. The past is over. Today is a new day. We all deserve peace, but it is up to us to do it for ourselves.

Next time you find yourself stuck in a trigger that thrusts you into a painful memory just remember: we can't change that we've hurt before, but we can choose not to suffer now.