How can something that happened that long ago be etched into my brain? How can it creep into my thoughts yesterday morning and refuse to leave? How can it deprive me of the joy of a nice spring weekend?
I had plans this weekend....I carried on with them, but not with the vigor I had intended. I made myself not cancel the entire weekend and stay in bed. I made myself smile. I made sure my friends had no idea of the scene that was being played over and over again in my head. I am sure they noticed my distance, but they are used to that.
It was the day my life as I had known it came to a screeching halt. My world shifted and things that had been in progress were simply left undone. Plans that had been made came unraveled. I lost all control and was simply along for the ride. There was nothing I could do to change it. For the first time in my life I was powerless to control what was happening.
I had been blindsided and I wanted to strike back, but I couldn't. I asked so many questions, but the answer was always the same. I searched and searched for a way to get her to say something different but she wouldn't, she couldn't. I kept throwing questions at her hoping for some other possibility, even a remote possibility. Nothing changed.
I didn't know it then, but I was beginning the journey of a lifetime. I didn't know how deeply I was going change. I had no idea that what she was saying would forever and permanently change me. I didn't know I was going to lose friends and I had no idea of the friendships I was going to gain. Most of all I didn't know the strength I had inside of me and I definitely was not aware of the immense strength I would gain along the way.
Two years ago today she sat in that hard plastic chair next to TJ's ER bed and told us he had 20 brain lesions and it was most likely cancer. Nothing but cancer causes that many brain lesions she told us. I don't remember her name, but I do remember her face. I remember the look of pity on her face. Her face told me how serious it was.
2 Years Ago Today......I remember it as though it was yesterday.
From the depths of our struggles sprout the blossoms of our strengths ~ Unknown