My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Waiting For Life To Get Easier

I keep waiting. Waiting for life to get easier. No mistakes, fewer risks, more rewards. But really, does it ever get any easier or do we just muddle through one struggle after the other? We tell ourselves, "it will all be OK if I can just get through this". We do what it takes to get through the current struggle only to be knocked down again by something else. So maybe, life never does get any easier. Maybe it is the struggle, the climb, the overcoming of one obstacle after another that life is all about. Life doesn't get easier, it just changes. It becomes different. In reality there is nothing simple or easy about life. I guess I should stop waiting for life to get easier and begin to live life. Live it, as complex and difficult as it is.

Most of us take the gift of life for granted.Your life is a gift. Accept it! No matter how screwed up or painful it seems to be. Life is not a dress rehearsal and there is no time for do-overs. We don't get to practice again and again until we get it right. Even those few times when we do get to rehearse, prepare, practice we find that we aren't even remotely ready for life's grand moments. If only we could slow things down. Because before you know it....the gift of life is gone. 

"To live in the hearts we leave behind is not to die." ~ Thomas Campbell

Thursday, July 26, 2012


It is so often that we forget how much the every day world can hurt. It can hurt people we love, people we don't and even people caught up in the middle. It can hurt those who would give absolutely anything if they would just never, ever, get hurt again. Often times the hurt can't be avoided. It comes hurling at us like a meteor whose path of destruction is unknown and nothing can be done to stop it. Other times it can't be seen and sometimes, it lies next to us in the dark only to disappear at the first glimpse of daylight.

The hurt reminds me of what I've known and what I have lost. It reminds me of what was and still is beautiful. Hurt reminds me of love given and love taken away. Love taken away too soon and unfairly. The more it hurts, the deeper the ache, the sweeter the memory. I may hate the hurt, but I have learned to live with it. There is no pain like losing someone you love. It takes a lot of courage to allow yourself to be happy again.

You can't prepare for the loss of someone you love deeply. You can't brace yourself. You may try to brace yourself, but the emotions run too deep. It hits you out of nowhere and suddenly, instantly, the life you knew before is over.....FOREVER.

It is then that you are lost. A lost, wandering soul. You seek the advice of others and surround yourself with trusted friends and family. You begin to gather everything in and listen to what all your advisers have to say. But, in the end, the decision is yours and yours alone. Because, ultimately, when you find yourself all alone, with your back up against the wall, the only voice that matters in the one in your head. It is that voice that is telling you what you probably already knew. It is that voice that is almost always right.

But, there are times that the hurt doesn't come at all. This is when this other thing flutters down upon us out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. It is during these times, however rare, but just when we need it the most and expect it the least, that we get a break. An unexpected, yet welcome, break.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Are You A Planner?

I am a planner. I like to know what is going on in my life on a daily basis and I don't like things to change. I get up at the same time everyday during the week. I go to bed at about the same time every night. I have a specific routine in the morning that I rarely waiver from. I know in advance what I am doing every evening after work. Please do not call on me to do anything "spur of the moment". Chances are good that I already have my day mapped out and to make changes throws me into a tailspin. Even canceling plans throws me off. A cancellation means I suddenly have spare time that I wasn't counting on and consequently I don't know what to do with that extra time.

Because I am such an avid planner I don't like surprises. I do like unexpected gifts, but don't put me in a car and not tell me where we are going. It doesn't matter how grand the surprise at the end, the stress of the unknown is just not worth it to me.

Many years ago TJ planned a surprise birthday party for me down at "The Shack". While we often had friends down there with us, there were many times we would go alone. Those alone times were very special to the both of us. It was those alone weekends that we would reconnect, rekindle our relationship and recharge our batteries. The year he planned the surprise party I had told him that for my birthday I wanted to go to the shack with just us, the horses, and the dogs. Off we went for an extended 4 day birthday weekend down south. Because we are in the foothills of the Dragoon mountains we can see traffic coming down the mostly untraveled dirt road for miles. We had not been at the shack very long when TJ said to me, knowing how I hate surprises, "I have to tell you something". As he said this he turned my back to the south so I could not see the incoming traffic. He proceeded to spill the beans, telling me everyone that was coming and at the same time apologizing for not telling me. The first words out of my mouth were, "I didn't bring enough food to feed that many people!!" He laughed and told me they were all bringing their own food and I did not have to cook for them. I ultimately had a wonderful birthday weekend with many good friends willing to drive 4 hours hauling horses to celebrate with me. Although, I have to admit that I am glad he spilled the beans before the trucks and trailers started rolling in.

What about you? Are you a planner or do you like surprises?

"Dreams, ideas, and plans not only are an escape, they give me purpose, a reason to hang on." ~ Unknown

Monday, July 9, 2012

Tater The Water Dog

Tater is obsessed with the pool. The moment I arrive home from work he begins running around like crazy wanting me to put my swimsuit on so we can go play in the pool. On Saturdays when I have the girls over for pool day he spends the whole day outside with us playing in the pool. My daily swim with Tater usually ends up with me laughing hysterically and very happy, wet dog.

 Last Thursday & Friday a girlfriend and her husband hung out at my pool while I was at work. She text me this picture of Tater with the caption, "Tater wants another Bud Light".
He loves to just float around the pool on "his" raft.

 I am not sure what he is doing here but his head is submerged. He obviously has no fear when it comes to the water.

 Dog tired from too much fun in the sun and pool!

You know my tag line....It's not all puppies and ice I wanted to leave you with what we found in the pool on Saturday. Ewwwww, I hate scorpions!