My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Monkeying Around

I know what you are thinking. More pictures....really?!...and they aren't even good pictures, they are always cell phone pics. I am sorry, but I have just had more to show lately than to share by writing and when it is hot I don't drag my camera with my every where, but I of course always have my cell.

Last Saturday I went to Dave & Dena's house to visit. I have posted pictures of their monkey Angel before but on this particular night she was being extremely friendly. Usually with Angel she either hates me, is aloof & indifferent or thinks I am her long lost best friend. The latter being a rarity. But last Saturday not only was I her BFF so was everyone else!

 I rarely post pictures of myself, but I really liked this picture of her and I. I am admittedly very fond of her.
Heineken, if you are wondering ;)

She had never met Dan before and she even made up to him.

 She had only met Sam a few times and it had been quite a while, yet she still hopped up on his shoulders for some good ole' fashioned bug hunting in what is left of his hair.

Gotta love Angel hugs!

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Things I Have Seen Lately

We are definitely finished with summer. The nights have turned cool and the days have too. The cool nights mean the pool has gotten chilly and I am too much of a cold weenie to even dip my toes in the water now. Guess it is time to begin the countdown until the first day of summer 2013.

A few cell phone photos of what I have seen lately.

 Yeah Tater, I am sad that summer is over too. That is about as close to pool time as you are going to get.
Runt spent last weekend at my house while his Dad was out of town. He & Tater had fun. I enjoyed it too because he looks so much like my Shiner. As a matter of fact I kept calling him Shiner all weekend. Below is a picture of Shiner. I put Shiner down in August of 2011 and I still miss very much

I can home one evening to this outside my front door. Isn't he adorable?! I just love bats so I was thrilled to see him hanging around.

I bought this wine as a gift for a girlfriend. I just love the name!

Turns out Sophie won't be coming to live with me after all. Her original owner decided to keep her. While I miss her, I think Tater is happy to be getting more attention from me.

I saw this personalized plate while sitting at a stop sign. What do you think he does for a living?

Monday, September 17, 2012

It Is Happening Again

The images. The horrible, horrible images. The last few weeks I have been waking up early with those darn images in my head again. You see, being a caregiver for someone you love deeply and watching them die leaves scars, deep scars. Scars that will forever be a part of your soul.

After TJ died I struggled with the images I saw every time I closed my eyes. I couldn't remember him healthy. All I saw was him frail, weak and dying. Those images haunted me. Those images still haunt me. I believe those images will haunt me my entire life.

It was because of those images that I did not/could not sleep for months. Lots of months. It adversely affected my general health. My therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I thought he was crazy. Like many people I thought PTSD only afflicted war veterans. I began PET (prolonged exposure therapy) with Dr. Hallmark (not his real name & he doesn't like it when I call him that). I saw him weekly for 2 hours at a time and I believe we did this for 3 or 4 months. I got better. He promised me that I would get better and thankfully he came through for me.

So why then am I seeing those horrible images again? I thought I was done with that! I know how I am supposed to deal with it when it happens. Dr. Hallmark armed me with an array of tools to use. Those tools are supposed to keep those images from being debilitating. The tools aren't working.

Something has brought this back into my life and I wish I knew what it was. I have faith though. I have faith in myself and faith in Dr. Hallmark. Together we will figure it out, this I know.

"Any fool can be happy. It takes a man with real heart to make beauty out of the stuff that makes us weep." ~ Clive Barker

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Missile Launch

I know I just posted pictures two days ago and now I am posting more. But, something happened this morning that I wanted to share with all of you.

Early this morning the White Sands Army Base in New Mexico launched a test missile. When atmospheric conditions are perfect and the sun is rising at the perfect time we, here in the Arizona desert, get to see the contrails. I haven't seen this for probably 5 years, but this morning I was out feeding my mule when I looked at the mountain and saw it. I, of course, ran inside to get my camera and began shooting. Below are some of the images I was able to capture this morning. It is only for a brief time that the contrails can be viewed and I enjoyed the opportunity to see it dissipate into the morning sky.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Last Pool Party of Summer

 Labor Day is unofficially the end of summer, even in Arizona. It is September when we begin to drop out of the One Hundred Teens and this week we are even into the low 90's. I love summer and I always have. If it stayed in the low 100's year around I would be one happy girl. This year I took the Friday before Labor Day off so I could have a 4 day weekend. Good idea in theory, but I ended up in the pool too much on Friday and Saturday, so by the time Sunday rolled around for my pool party I was too burnt to get in the sun.

Enjoy the snapshots of my end of summer pool party. Of course Tater Tot enjoyed the pool and all his friends too! It was a great day and I am ready for it to warm back up already!


Gee am I going to miss summer. But, Labor Day also means I need to get my chimney sweep out and start looking for good seasoned wood to heat the house with this winter. Nothing is more cozy than a warm fire in the house. Time marches on.....

"And you would accept the seasons of your heart just as you have always accepted that seasons pass over your fields and you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief." ~ Kahlil Gibran