My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Moving Forward or Letting Go

I had a conversation late last night with a widower friend of mine on twitter.  We started out by talking about the insomnia that so many of us have, but it quickly turned to a discussion of moving on.  What he said to me has stuck in my head and I wanted to share.  I have chosen to keep him anomyous as I do not know if he would want me to reveal his identity.  His series of tweets was as follows:

It changed for me, when I changed my thinking from the "moving forward" to the ability "letting go".  I know it sounds strange, but inside of me I always had a dislike for "moving forward". It was like betrayal for me. Then I realized, that I was afraid to let her go, because I thought I would loose her. I was so wrong, because one never looses the loved one in memories and heart. That started the change.

All day I thought about the difference between moving forward and letting go.  I, like my friend, am afraid to let TJ go.  He was a part of my life for 16 years and I am not willing to let him go.  Moving forward though, to me, means leaving TJ behind.  I can't do that either, he will always be in my heart.  So, instead of always thinking I need to move forward/on I am going to try to change my thinking to letting go.

I feel I need to make room in my life for the new and let go of the old.  I believe that if I stay open to new experiences and relationships I have much to gain after my loss.  Happiness turned to sadness, but sadness will turn to happiness again. Every day I become more and more optimistic about my future and I can't let what has happened in the past close my mind to the possibilities of the new.  I will not move forward, leaving TJ behind, instead, I will try to begin to let go of the past and carry him with me, in my heart, as I experience the many good things that are still to come in my life.

Letting go isn't the end of the world; it is the beginning of a new life. ~ Unknown


  1. Oh my lovely friend, I believe there are wonderful experiences for you just ahead. I think you are progressing with your healing and letting go of the past is a natural progression. This is good news!

  2. That sounds like such good advise to me. I can't identify with your grief but I can with letting go of the things that hold us back, or keep us in that one place we don't want to be in. I have a feeling this is one of those "ah ha" moments for you!

  3. Dear Sandy,
    I'm so glad that my words touched you and I would be very happy if my words could start the process for you, to build up the strength to let TJ go.
    By the way, I wrote these words open in twitter for everyone to see. I have no problem with stepping out of anonymity, because I think sharing experiences is so very important. It can help someone to stay alive. In the first 4 years I was very close to take my own life many times. Insomnia, depression and the wish to follow my late wife was taking the better part of me.
    Like I told you, it all changed for me, when I changed my thinking from the "moving forward" to the ability of "letting go". Social Networks gave me the chance to share and to learn from shared experiences.
    Sending you hugs, Joachim ( @bluesshoe )
    (Sorry for my bad English.... I really need more practise)

  4. I think there are still many wonderful years of love and happiness ahead for you. I am so proud of you for starting this journey!

  5. Weannie (Jeannie)May 24, 2011 6:13 PM

    I have a friend who just lost her husband of 26 years just 3 weeks ago. I will forward her Joachims' advice.


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