My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Sunday, July 31, 2011

Living Alone

Often people ask me if I am OK living alone.  This surprises me, as I really don't think about it much until I am asked the question.  I have always been one that enjoyed my alone time.  In the past I would look forward to TJ going away on a hunting trip without me.  Sure, I missed him as I was used to him being around, but the time away from each other was good for the both of us. So, my answer is always, "Yes, I love it".

I enjoy doing things on my schedule.  I get to do what I want to do, with whom I want to do it with and when I want to do it.  I no longer have to "compromise".  Compromise is what good relationships are made of and while I didn't mind it with TJ, I sure don't miss it.  I tell people, "it is all about me now".  I say yes to the things I want to do and no to those things I do not want to do.  Other than those first few months after TJ's passing I don't feel lonely.  I miss TJ, yes, but I would not say I am lonely.  I have a very strong network of friends and there is always something to do should I choose.

I enjoy planning weekends to just stay home and do chores and/or projects around the house. To complete a project on my own is very rewarding and affirming that yes, I can make it without TJ. It is also on those weekends that I am able to really plan my future and set goals for myself. TJ & I pretty much had our life planned out, but now, I have to go in a different direction. I admit that I really do not have my new direction figured out completely yet, but when I am alone is when I can brainstorm different ideas.

About a year ago I started frequenting a small neighborhood coffee shop.  Often stopping there on my way to work or on a Saturday morning early.  In the winter it is filled with retired men waiting for their women who are next door at Curves.  I tend to be very chatty with strangers (not sure if that is good or bad) and have developed a few friendships with some of the regulars in there.  They know about TJ, my Mom, my dogs and just miscellaneous stuff in my life.  I share my dating adventures with them and they share dating adventures with me from their younger years.  This is my little place.  I have yet to take any of my friends there and don't plan to in the near future.  It is a separate part of my life that I enjoy immensly and I know not everyone would understand the friendships that I have developed there. So, even if I wake up on a Saturday or Sunday morning missing TJ and not wanting to be alone, I have a place to go.

Society tends to look at someone alone as pitiful.  I couldn't disagree more!  Alone is a choice.  It is one of the many options we have about how we live our daily lives.  I am sure there are many Mothers out there who would love to have the opportunity to get up on a Saturday morning and go to a coffee shop alone like I do.  Alone does not equal lonely.  If you are comfortable being alone then you are able to be comfortable with other people.

So yes, I really do love living alone....especially when I want to run the vacuum at 3:00 in the morning!

If you are struggling with being alone or even if you are like me and enjoy it, watch this video. It is very well said.


  1. Truth be told, I think it's so much easier to sleep alone. And I don't mind eating alone either. I'm glad you're okay with taking care of yourself :-)

  2. I love living alone, too. I think if I ever do meet someone whom I love in the same way I loved Jack (who died in Jan 2010), it will be difficult to give up all of this independence I've worked toward. My life is great, filled with awesome people, and I don't feel a need to live with someone. But society sends a message that I should apologize for that...or for enjoying seeing movies or eating out alone. Not so!

  3. I like being alone also. My wife says I should have been born in 1859 instead of 1959 so I could have been one of the mountain men trappers that only came in once a year :). Good to hear you're doing better.

  4. One can be surrounded by people, and still feel very much "Alone." I love being alone....because even when I am, I am not.
    xx Think of you often.

  5. Good video. I've seen it before but enjoyed it just as much the second time. I love my alone time. Joan and I are not joined at the hip like some couples. If we were, I'd go nuts...especially since we are both so very different.
    I'm glad you're comfortable with being alone, but you do have all those animals to care for. I think that must help a lot, too.
    Enjoyed the post Sandy!
    Have a super weekend.

  6. Amen! I so love being alone too. Great post.


Please, let me know your thoughts