My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

How Are You? Are You Doing OK?

I hear those questions daily, actually many times a day it seems.  I don't hear them in the usual small talk, passing conversation way.  When I hear them there is pity in the voices. Sometimes it is with genuine concern and I appreciate that.  It is the ones that ask with pity and really don't want to know that bother me. It is when they ask because they feel it is the right thing to say, but after asking either move on to something else very quickly or mentally shrink away hoping I say nothing more than "I am fine".

In order to protect my friends and family I always answer, "I am fine".  It is easier for me and easier for them.  It is not a lie every time I answer that way, sometimes I am "fine".  If I am not fine I generally don't want to talk about why.  If I don't talk about my problems it is much safer for me.  By not talking I don't reveal my vulnerabilities and it keeps people at a distance, it keeps them from getting too close to me.  I do have a selected few friends that I confide in and I value their friendship deeply.

I am really a very private person.  This doesn't mean I am not social.  I love getting together with my friends. I spend a large part of my day socializing on twitter. I enjoy my Wednesday dinner out with the girls and as much as I hate to admit it, I love hearing the gossip. I am not a gossiper myself, but I am a listener. I can listen to people talk for hours. I will join in the conversation, but my preference is listening.  If one truly listens to people talk you will learn many things about that person.

I think this is what attracts me to blogging.  I can put my thoughts, feelings, ideas out for everyone to see without having to discuss it.  I get positive feedback through comments here or on Twitter and I am sure there have been some who come to visit and click off because they don't like what I have to say and I am good with that.  If we all agreed what a boring place this world would be.

So next time you ask me how I am doing and my answer is "Fine" I may or may not be telling the truth. Often times the true answer can be found in my blog or my twitter timeline.  With me, instead of listening closely you just might need to read between the lines.  The answer is here.


  1. how nice that you have a regular Wednesday dinner out with friends. i'm sure there is a comfort in the regularity of having that "out."

    reading between the lines is something only real friends spend the time to do. or strangers who have walked a particular road together and know the feelings, the scenery, and the quasi-destination.

    may you always be surrounded by people who can and do take the time to read between your lines. peace.

  2. I read between the lines a lot (with a psych background) but with friends/family sometimes it's hard to know whether to push it or not. Usually I don't with friends/family because I was raised to think that if someone wants you to know, they will tell you, and otherwise it's not your business. But that's not always the best way.

    I guess you must get tired of the "how are you" dance of conversation. I've definitely been thinking of you and hoping that things take a turn for the better.

  3. I can relate to this. I think we have similar personalities in that I am a private person too but I am also very social. I don't talk about my true feelings except with a chosen few with whom I've been friends for years and years. Yet, I can easily blog about my feelings without revealing some of the more persoanl details and that's how I keep it from getting buried inside.

  4. ---I understand.
    People ask me this.... and I say the same thing all the time "Okay." I honestly do not think I will say fine or good forever. How can I be without my sister?
    Think of you often.
    Never stop writing. Okay? Xxx

  5. Hi Sandy. You want to know what I have discovered about you and truly admire? Well, I'll tell you anyway. You know yourself. You are comfortable with yourself and that comes out in your blog and your tweets. You make your stand on whatever the subject is, and that is that. You are never wishy-washy, and that is a trait I sincerely admire. Your strength shines through even your sad tweets and posts. I sometimes, but rarely, ask how you are doing...but I really don't have to because, as you wrote above, I just have to read between the lines.
    Thanks for sharing and for being you....which is awesome!


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