My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Monday, January 31, 2011

I Have Been In A Funk.....

I have been in a terrible funk for over a week now.  I am to the point that I don't even want to be around myself.  I can't seem to force my mind into a good place.  TJ has been really strongly on my mind and so has my Father.  These thoughts have not been sad or emotional, but I can't seem to get these guys out of my head.  I decided that maybe they were there for a reason....usually it means I am screwing something up.  I thought and thought about what I could possibly be doing wrong and came up empty handed.  Not that I am doing everything perfectly, but nothing that would disappoint these guys.

I just can't find the joy in anything....being with my animals, blogging, hanging with friends, all seems to be a struggle.  There are moments when I think I am escaping the "Funk" and suddenly I am sucked back into it again.  It is like I have no control over my mind and it is twisting everything in my life into something toxic.

It is Monday.  I am usually a fan of Mondays.  I think of Mondays as a clean slate, a chance to start all over and make it an awesome week.  I am trying to not let my mind turn today into "Toxic Monday".  After all I have been through I should be able to win over the toxicity of my mind this week.

Joy and sorrow are inseparable...together they come and when one sits alone with you...remember that the other is asleep upon your bed. ~ Kahlil Gibran


  1. I'm new here, so I haven't yet gotten to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. I know you're in AZ, but maybe it can in part be attributed to the winter blues? That's what I'm charging with all of my issues. It takes the pressure off me. ;)

  2. I think we all get in a funk now and then. With me it often happens in the winter, but then when it is raining 24/7 for weeks it is easy to get in a funk :). Don't worry I am sure you will break out of it soon.

    As far as TJ and Dad being on your Mind a lot I think that is probably to be expected. I mean they were both a big part of your life for years. For me I sometimes feel bad I don't think enough about Mom or Dad(rex) a lot. I seem to think about my Dad more often - I guess cause I never really knew him. Anyway you will fine. i have no doubt.

    Love you lots;
    your fav brother Mark.

  3. I am so sorry. Grief has no time limit. For me, after the shocking, unexpected death of my father, I felt like the days of funk outnumbered the good days for a long time. I spent a lot of time driving and crying.

    I hope you find the light in your gray days, soon.

  4. Thank you for becoming a follower of my blog. I am so sorry for your loss and can't imagine what you must be going through. The verse you shared speaks to me of your strength and of hope. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.--Inger

  5. This time of year is so hard, and you've had more than your share of emotional events on your mind. I hope that things look up soon. I know that when you're feeling depressed it's the last thing you want to do, but getting out for a walk really does seem to help. If you want to chat with someone who's been there (in the darkness), feel free to email me :-)

  6. Thinking about you Sandy, and hoping the coming days will lift you out of your funk and bring a smile to your face. I'm here for you, if you need to talk, any time.

  7. Life often tosses us into a downside. Been there. When I sense it coming on I deliberately set myself to accomplish some task that I've been putting off. The small sense of accomplishment seems to help.

    The other thing I do is begin to recognize the things for which I am grateful. I have cancer but I'm grateful that it was found when it was rather than six months later. I'm grateful I have some time to make certain I am okay with family, etc.
    Sometimes being grateful is as simple as appreciating the color of the sky in the morning.
    Best to you.
    Prayers and hugs.


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