My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

When Two Worlds Collide

I have never been a total girly girl.  Yes, I do get my nails done every other week and I get pedicures in the summer.  I can hardly pass on a smokin' hot pair of spike heels and is my favorite place to shop.

But I am also comfortable in an old pair of blue jeans, boots, a flannel shirt and hanging out by a campfire in the middle of nowhere.  I love taking care of my mules, goats and dogs. I am not afraid to tackle just about any home improvement project on my own.  I have made more than my fair share of mistakes, but I always get it done....eventually.

As most of you are aware, the home I purchased after TJ died was a repossession and it wasn't in the best of shape. I have been working on it for over a year now, although I did take about 6 months off because I was just tired of it and my attitude was getting bad.  But, as of last weekend I think I got my "remodeling mojo" back! I have a rejuvenated sense of  "I can do this and I can do it well"!  I am even looking forward to tackling the yard.  I have been looking at it for quite a while now and finally have a plan.  The expense will be minimal since I intend to do it myself, but the payoff will be huge when it is done.  I have 1.5 acres with lots of trees.  Yards with large mature trees are not all that common in Arizona and why I bought a house with trees I will never know.  The trees had me intimidated at first, but no longer, I am slowly whipping them into shape.

I thought today I would share with you two of my purchases the last couple of weeks.  It truly is "two worlds colliding".

Yesterday I stopped at Home Depot on my way home from work. Which, in my opinion, that store rivals Victoria's Secret, just on a different level. I bought this and I could not be more excited about my purchase! Also, they were running a 12 months same as cash if I put it on my Home Depot credit card. I love doing that just because credit card companies stick it to consumers so frequently that I enjoy using their money for a change.

6 gallon, 150 psi air compressor
18 Ga. Narrow Crown Stapler
1-3/8" Brad Nailer
16 Ga. 1" - 2 1/2" Finish Nailer

A few weeks ago I stopped into a store after my nail appointment and saw these shoes on clearance.  Strappy with a name written all over it! Love them!

Sometimes two worlds do collide out of necessity.  I am happy in both and would not want to spend 100% of my time in either.  We all need variety in our lives.

“Not on one strand are all life's jewels strung.” ~ William Morris

Monday, September 19, 2011

Self Doubt

As I begin to think about and write down my goals and plans for my future, as I promised myself for my birthday, I am finding that I doubt myself.  This is new to me as I never doubted myself in the past.  I may not have always made the right decisions, but the decisions I made were not without conviction.  That has all changed now. I find that as I think of future plans and goals I wonder if I can really achieve them.  I know now why I have been stuck at this fork in the road for almost 2 years.  I am paralyzed because of self doubt.

I doubt my knowledge.  Do I really know enough to let go of my past?  Can I make good choices now that I am so afraid of what the future might hold?  Are my instincts what they used to be? I don't know the answer to these questions and that is why I am still here. Still standing at the fork in the road, still stagnant, and doubtful as to which route to take.  I find it easier to not choose at all.  In my heart I know that there is no such thing as a "wrong" choice.  At this point the only "wrong" choice I can make is no choice at all.

Somewhere inside of me is the will to choose a path.  I know I can and I know I will.  I may not know the answers today, but they are within me.  All I need to do is step back, look at my life objectively and take that single bold step in the direction of my future.  I will no longer give power to my self doubt.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Labor Day Party

Because of the accident I have barely used my pool all summer.  It is just too uncomfortable for me to be on a raft or any of my pool furniture. So, before summer slipped away I decided I better have a pool party with a few friends.  I made a few calls and we decided on Sunday the 4th.  It turned out to be a beautiful day with a high of only 107.  We had been having a few weeks of very hot weather so 107 was a welcome change for us.

Tater Tot has become obsessed with the waterfall. If it isn't on when he goes outside he will stand on it and bark at me!

Since he really enjoys his time outside it is good that he has a place to cool off.

"The girls" hanging out and gossiping sharing recipes.

Dave chose to hang at the other end of the pool to get away from the girls I think.

 It was Annie's birthday so we celebrated with an Oreo ice cream cake.

Medical Update:  My physical therapy is now once a week and my doctor's office has taken it over.  I am hoping that this makes the healing process go faster.  My doctor prescribed for me some pain relieving cream made by a compounding pharmacy out of Alabama.  OMG! This stuff is absolutely amazing! While talking to my doctor about it yesterday he commented that it was the first time he had seen me smile since June. I realize the cream is not healing, it is simply a pain reliever, but to have greatly reduced pain for a few hours is huge to me right now.