- to set or keep apart
- to make a distinction between
- to go in different directions
- the state of being separated
- a point, line, or means of division
- an intervening space
We mindlessly separate so many things in our lives. We separate our laundry in whites and colors, we separate our lives into work and social and family, we leave our spouses for a trial separation, our country separates church and state. All this makes separation seem so easy. Not all forms of separation are so easy.
A huge part of my life ended when TJ died. It has taken me a while but I feel confident that I am ready to start the second part of my life. Although, I feel that somehow, I need to separate my life with TJ and my life now. I just don't know how to do that. I can't carry him with me forever. I don't want those past memories to invade the memories I am making for myself now. Honestly, I believe that when I begin to think about separating my life I get separation anxiety. I want to hold so tightly and so closely to my past life that I can't imagine separating it from my present life. Yet, there are times that my past life memories creep unexpectedly and unwanted into my new life. I have no defenses over my past life. It holds my soul and has a grip on the very essence of my being. I never thought that at this point I would still have days that completely unravel on me.
So, I guess my question to all of you is: Am I being unrealistic? Is it even possible to have a separation of two completely different lives. Should I even try to separate? Maybe it is OK to remember the past while forging ahead with the new. These are the questions that I am now asking myself on a daily basis. Either way, the unwelcome intrusions of my old life into my new life are something I either have to live with or learn to block out.