My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

I Am Very Thankful This Year

It has been a fairly good year for me and for that I am very, very grateful. I have wonderful supportive people in my life and I see a wonderful future for me. So as we sit down to Thanksgiving with family and friends let us not forget those who have touched our lives in many different ways and are no longer with us. But, at the same time be grateful for those who have come into our lives when we needed them the most.

"She closed her eyes and thought of her year. It couldn't just be the "good" she was thankful for, it had to the "all"....the fullness, the depths, the journey. The dance of life. For these, she gave thanks." ~ Terri St. Cloud

It is with immense gratitude that I celebrate Thanksgiving and it is with gratitude that I think of all of you. Thank you for being a part of my life

Monday, November 12, 2012

Dog Sitting.....Yes, Again

If you all haven't figured it out by now I love animals. I especially love dogs. I grew up with dogs and have had anywhere from 1 to 5 dogs at any given time in my life. Because of my love of dogs I am always game to dog sit for my friends. Well this past weekend I had the opportunity to do just that. I am pleased to introduce you to Sierra. She belongs to my neighbor and has the sweetest personality.

I have a soft spot in my heart for Labradors as my first dog after college was a black lab named Phantom. He was very special to me. With Mickey getting up in the years and really starting to show her age I have been thinking about what breed my next dog will be. I will not bring a new dog into the house until she is gone and unfortunately I feel like it may be sooner rather than later. For the past 8 years or so I have had mid size to small dogs and have been considering getting another large dog.

This past weekend was the perfect opportunity for me to experience a large dog in the house again. While Sierra was perfect and very well trained, I now know that I am not interested in a dog with a coffee table clearing tail. No, Sierra didn't clear my coffee table with her tail, but I was keeping an eye on it the entire time. After having Heelers and little Tater Tot I am just not interested in a large dog anymore

I would dog sit for Sierra again in a heartbeat and Tater had a blast playing with her. But, when it comes to my next dog I know I want a small to mid sized dog. Most likely I will get another tri-colored Queensland Heeler.

As a side note. It really cooled off in Arizona this weekend. OK, by my standards it was darn cold! Highs in the low 60's and on Sunday morning it was 37 F !!!! Way too cold for this old desert rat. Time to start counting down the days until summer.
It may have not been as cold as this sign showed but it was cold enough for a fire in the ole' fireplace.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


Wednesday, October 24, 2012 my best friend's ex-husband committed suicide. He hung himself in her garage. She found him. She is hurt and angry. They have an adult son who I can only imagine is hurt and confused. Me, I am just plain angry!

I have had over a week to process this and I still can't figure it out. While this may have been her ex-husband they were very close. We knew he had some mental health issues and she was trying to get him help. He was renting a room from her and she was trying to help him get his life back in order. He had a lot happen to him details of which I won't share. The night before he was found in a hotel room with a gun. They took him to the hospital only to release him at 2:30 am. In a matter of about 6 hours he had killed himself. I don't understand why the hospital didn't keep him longer. I am mad that they didn't keep him longer. Furious actually.

I am angry that my best friend has to go through this. I am angry that their son, who was deployed overseas, had to be told on the phone what happened. He then had a long flight before getting home to his Mother. I don't understand why he didn't realize what he would be putting his family and friends through. To me, this was the ultimate act of selfishness and it sickens me.

I got the phone call at work on Wednesday morning. The terror in my best friend's voice was frightening. I left work immediately to meet her at the hospital. When I arrived the social worker was attacking her with questions. She was pushing her to make decisions immediately. I put a stop to it. None of those decisions had to be made that day and certainly not at that moment. We took her home and we talked and drank beer. We drank a lot of beer. I had to have someone drive me home we drank so much beer. I am fully aware that alcohol does not solve problems but sometimes it dulls that initial pain and one does what they have to do just to get through those initial hours because they are the worst hours ever.

The next day I went to work. My best friend made the decisions that needed to be made and with the help of the Red Cross contacted their son overseas. This day was the 3rd anniversary of TJ's death. You see, my best friend and I have led very parallel lives. Our lives have paralleled in ways that nobody knows but us. And now there is this. They may have no longer been married, but in many ways she is a widow too now. My heart aches for her, but she knows I am always just a phone call or a text away and we have proven to each other time and time again that when the chips are down we will always be there for one another.

"I longed to lift the burden of her sorrow and yet, I knew it was hers to carry. And so I walked next to her. Side by side. I rested when she rested. I cried when she cried. And loved her more with each step of the road." ~ Terri St. Cloud