My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Sunday, November 4, 2012


Wednesday, October 24, 2012 my best friend's ex-husband committed suicide. He hung himself in her garage. She found him. She is hurt and angry. They have an adult son who I can only imagine is hurt and confused. Me, I am just plain angry!

I have had over a week to process this and I still can't figure it out. While this may have been her ex-husband they were very close. We knew he had some mental health issues and she was trying to get him help. He was renting a room from her and she was trying to help him get his life back in order. He had a lot happen to him details of which I won't share. The night before he was found in a hotel room with a gun. They took him to the hospital only to release him at 2:30 am. In a matter of about 6 hours he had killed himself. I don't understand why the hospital didn't keep him longer. I am mad that they didn't keep him longer. Furious actually.

I am angry that my best friend has to go through this. I am angry that their son, who was deployed overseas, had to be told on the phone what happened. He then had a long flight before getting home to his Mother. I don't understand why he didn't realize what he would be putting his family and friends through. To me, this was the ultimate act of selfishness and it sickens me.

I got the phone call at work on Wednesday morning. The terror in my best friend's voice was frightening. I left work immediately to meet her at the hospital. When I arrived the social worker was attacking her with questions. She was pushing her to make decisions immediately. I put a stop to it. None of those decisions had to be made that day and certainly not at that moment. We took her home and we talked and drank beer. We drank a lot of beer. I had to have someone drive me home we drank so much beer. I am fully aware that alcohol does not solve problems but sometimes it dulls that initial pain and one does what they have to do just to get through those initial hours because they are the worst hours ever.

The next day I went to work. My best friend made the decisions that needed to be made and with the help of the Red Cross contacted their son overseas. This day was the 3rd anniversary of TJ's death. You see, my best friend and I have led very parallel lives. Our lives have paralleled in ways that nobody knows but us. And now there is this. They may have no longer been married, but in many ways she is a widow too now. My heart aches for her, but she knows I am always just a phone call or a text away and we have proven to each other time and time again that when the chips are down we will always be there for one another.

"I longed to lift the burden of her sorrow and yet, I knew it was hers to carry. And so I walked next to her. Side by side. I rested when she rested. I cried when she cried. And loved her more with each step of the road." ~ Terri St. Cloud


  1. I know what you and she are going through. My best friend's ex also committed suicide. He was also one of my best friends and I was very angry with him becuase he did it the night before his son's high school graduation. I was angry for a long time. Now, I just think he must have been in a lot of pain to do what he did. Yes, I still think it was selfish, but I think people who commit suiced aren't thinking. It's really sad.

    I am really glad that you are there for your friend. I'm so sorry this is happening to her and to you.

  2. oh, sandy. i'm very sorry that this has impacted your life and so dreadfully hit that of your friend and her son. it truly is a selfish thing to do - even worse that he did it where she'd be the one to find him.

    one of my husband's best friends committed suicide a couple of years ago - leaping off a multi-story parking garage to his death after having an affair, his wife finding out about it, then the other woman telling him it was over, that she was staying with her husband. he left his guilt-ridden wife and a very confused 9 yr old daughter. i, myself, was terribly angry at him - something his wife could never be. i didn't understand that. i understand feeling sorry for yourself. leaving your wife behind. but i could never leave a child like he did.

    you are a godsend to your friend - as she is to you.

  3. I'm so sorry and I know how you feel. I strangely posted yesterday about the suicide of my sister's neighbor and very good friend. I am angry too. It's terrible

    1. I just saw you had already commented on my post. Thank you Sandy. Thinking of you <3

  4. Oh Sandy I am so sorry for you and your friend. My step sister committed suicide I thought she was happy we all thought she was happy.
    You are a good friend. I am truly sorry it is very hard on families. HUGS B

  5. I'm so sorry to hear this. Suicide has such devastating effects - for such a long time afterwards. I've seen this is my own family,and is it so hard to see the aftermath on family members. I'm sorry that the hospital didn't do more. Thinking of both you and your friend.

  6. I feel so sad for your friend and her son Sandy. I'm glad that she had you by her side for support and guidance.

  7. I also have experience with suicide of a close family member and I so understand that angry reaction. I would be extremely angry at the doctor who didn't hold him at the hospital until something could be figured out. And angry at the man for, if he was going to do this, to at least have the decency to choose a different location.

    Sandy, I have no words of wisdom here (thanks for your nice comment regarding this)except to say that as the shock wears off and time goes by, maybe his ex-wife will come to see that one troubled life is over and that he must have suffered a great deal to choose to end it. Maybe she will be able to forgive him for what he did to their son, to her, maybe not. But she and her son will get through this. It will take time, it will be difficult. And the blessing will be that you will be there to help her every step of the way.

  8. i am so sorry to hear this...and i feel so sad for your friend and her son...but i am angry too. death by suicide is an individual tragedy but can also have such a devastating effect on families. i can only imagine what you and she are going through...

    you and your friend are in my thoughts and prayers.


  9. I love the quote. I love that you are there for your friend as she was there for you.

    You are both in my thoughts and prayers. Xxxxx

  10. I'm not sure what to say. I wanted you to know that I was here and I read the post. More often than not, when it comes to death I am at a loss. Possibly because there is still SO MUCH I need to say, I get all stopped up like a toilet full of poop. :)

    Going to grab a beer now...

  11. Wow, Sandy. I am at a loss for words. So much of what you shared made me angry, too. But the friendship you showed your friend and the bond the two of you share is amazing. You are amazing.

  12. Such a very sad tale. I love your quote and I'm so glad that you and your friend are there for each other.


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