Well, it has been 1 week since losing TJ and I think all things considered I am doing OK. He did not want a traditional service; he wanted me to have a party so that is exactly what I did. Friday night beginning at 6:00 PM we began a celebration of TJ's life and boy was it a celebration. I know over 100 people were here throughout the night and lots of TJ stories being told. I put together a DVD of pictures to play continously on the TV and everyone was mesmerized by it. Although it brought lots of tears from men and women alike it also brought back many good memories of TJ and his love for life itself. I was overwhelmed by the mere number of people who showed up to celebrate his life and offer support to me.
As for me I think I am doing pretty much OK. I do have my moments but they pass. Tonight I burnt my steak that I cooked for myself on the grill.....TJ always cooked my steaks perfectly......I cried and cried. It is odd to me that something so minor can bring me to my knees with pain and sorrow. I don't know how long this will last but I do hope it is over soon....I hate the hurt, the pain and most of all I hate the fear. The fear of a very unknown future for myself is overwhelming.
On a brighter note some guys came by today to pick up and return the tables and chairs I borrowed for TJ's party. We had a couple beers together and I asked them to get some boxes down out of the attic for me to go through. I informed them that there were probably only about 8 - 10 boxes so it wouldn't take long. Well.......Mr. Pack Rat himself had a garage full of boxes up there. I had no idea!!!! Some were empty ??!!?? But most seemed to be full of just miscellaneous stuff that should have been tossed quite a while ago. Anyway, we all had quite a laugh at the sheer volume of stuff up there and swore that TJ was laughing at us hauling all of that stuff down out of the attic. In light of this I have decided that my first project is to go through the garage (which is full of attic boxes now). Then I will begin on the rest of the house. I know this will be heartbreaking but it is a task that must be done. Wish me luck!!