My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Monday, November 23, 2009

I'm Movin' On

First, I want to thank all my faithful blog followers that have stuck with me through this tough time. A special shout out to Pauline, your emails and comments have really inspired me to return to blogging, I too feel we have developed a special connection even though we have never met and your continued concern for me warms my heart more than you know. But, I am back to let everyone know that:

I'M MOVING ON !!!!!!!!!!!

I am done with this mourning stuff. I have read that people in the past would mourn for a year and wear black the whole time. What is up with that?!?! I know for a fact (we had time to discuss this) that TJ wants me to go on with my life and not mope around. Yes, I do run across things that are sentimental while cleaning out the house but the crying is over as well as the mourning. I spent 7 months consumed by cancer and taking care of TJ. I gave him what he wanted in the end. He was home, in our bed, and I was by his side holding his hand. I take a lot of comfort in that and feel that there was no more that I could have done for him. Well, it is finally my turn to take care of me and only me. I no longer have to answer to anyone and frankly I think I am kinda liking it.

Having said all that I am not saying that I no longer miss TJ or think about him. I do miss him and he is often in my mind. One of my personal coping mechanisms is when I begin to get depressed or sad about him being gone I think of something I did not like about him or about fights we had or about how he become a different person the last 3 years we were together. The last 3 years he turned to a different interest and even started hanging with new friends. I really missed him and the man that I fell in love with 16 years ago. Fortunately, after his cancer diagnosis, he came back to me and once again was ready (when he got well) to return to our old lifestyle. I was really hoping that would be a reality but deep inside I knew different and so did he. On good days we would walk the property, discuss repairs that must be made before bringing horses in, and talk about the old times with horses. He couldn't wait to get better, finish that car, sell it, and reinvest in horses again. Even though I knew that he was not going to get better, as did he, I was just happy to have my old TJ back again. The real TJ that I so very much loved.


  1. Yaaay! Welcome back, Sandy. It's wonderful to hear you sounding so positive. I don't know why you call your blog Flying WG but I have a feeling you are going to claim your wings and fly again. And I believe you will soar. Keep smiling, girl!

  2. Sandy, I am so glad to hear that you are moving on. I din't verbalize it but I have thought about you almost every day since I first started reading your blog. I'm really glad that Pauline was able to reach out to you. Like she said, keep smiling and soar!

  3. Not allof us have the level of warning that you and TJ lived with. I would say that you are already at 7 months of mourning - taken from that year. I do not equate going on with your life as being out of mourning. I had a counceler (spelling) tell me once that we mourn loss of family, friends, home after a divorce the same as a loved one to death and that your (I) should put my grief in my pocket and from time take it out and look at it, cry, laugh, be angry, then package it back up and put it back in my pocket - there would be longer and longer periods of time between looksk - but that that need may never end. This was a metaphor for grief, but a show box with momento up in a closet could work the same way.


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