My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Two Years Ago Today

Wow! Just. Wow. I can hardly believe it has been 2 years since TJ died. There are times when it seems like just yesterday, but mostly it seems like my life with TJ is so far, far in the past.  Yes, I think of him often. He didn't deserve the hand he was dealt. He was too young to lose his life to cancer. He was a good man and deserved to live a long and healthy life.  I miss him.  I will miss him every day for the rest of my life.

The fact is though....I am not the one who died and I needed to continue on and have a happy life.  It took me a while to reach that point without a doubt.  I always believed it, but I wasn't living it. I had a lot happen in my life after he died.  I couldn't afford our home on my own so I had to move, I had to put one of our dogs down, my Mom died, I was in a horrible truck accident, and the hardest thing was that I had to put his dog, Shiner, down. Yes, it has been a tough 2 years, but in my opinion I have kicked ass!

I told people in the beginning, "It is all about me now!" No more compromising, I do what I want to do, with whom I want to do it.  I have embraced being single.  I love it! I do date, but I keep them at a distance.  I have been seeing a guy since July and we have an agreement that we only see each other every other week. Sometimes even that is too much for me. I like the freedom that being single brings with it. I am truly enjoying working on projects around my house on the weekends. I even impress myself with what I am able to accomplish on my own.

When I bought my house I got one with a pool.  TJ never wanted a pool. I also now have a fireplace that I love. TJ & I didn't have a fireplace in our home. I put pink in my bedroom and master bath. Something TJ would never have tolerated.  Most recently, I put a RED vanity top in my master bath. I have always loved and wanted a red top but TJ always put his foot down.

So, today, I am celebrating and not bemoaning that TJ has been gone 2 years.  I am celebrating ME. I am celebrating that I can do this and I can do it well. I am celebrating how far I have come and my new plans for the future.  I do have a future. A future full of life and love. I am not just living, I am thriving!

Am I tooting my own horn? Hell yes I am! My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.  It is not always puppies and ice cream but it is pretty darn good. Even when it isn't good, I have learned to hunker down and wait for the storm to pass.  Storms always pass, and when they do the sun comes out. Sometimes there is even a rainbow after the storm.

It's not the strongest that survive, nor the most's the one most adaptable to change. ~ Darwin

I have spoken with a friend, fellow widow and blogger about how I feel about the anniversary of TJ's death and this is what she had to say .


  1. I'm so happy to read this post. It sounds like so many positive things going for you. You have had a rough time of it, but it's good you're finding your own ways to move on and embrace your life. :-) I still want pics of the remodeling!

  2. I love your attitude and forward-thinking! No wonder you are thriving. You Go Girl! I am a new. Pls visit my blog & follow back. Growing Old With Grace

  3. Ahh, Sandy, it's great to read this post, girl. I feel proud of you - isn't that weird? Not that you haven't achieved so much to be proud of but that from all these miles away I can sit here and pat myself on the back for always knowing how strong you are and that you would come flying out the other end of all the tragedy you've coped with. The "flying" in your blog title has a new meaning for me now!

  4. i am smiling for you, that you are celebrating you. someday i will get there, too. i wish you continued peace.

  5. Your attitude and outlook is positively refreshing and motivating! I'm so glad you have found such happiness <3

  6. I love seeing where you are Sandy, I am so happyp to hear your strength and optimism. Yes, you are thriving, will thrive, and deserve every bit of life you have left. Grab it with both hands, and paint it pink with a red vanity top.


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