My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Monday, April 30, 2012

Do You Believe Everything Happens For A Reason?

I do. But, I also believe in Karma and Destiny. Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason....even death. Not for one instance am I saying that TJ "deserved" to die...absolutely not. What I am saying is that he did very good things for a lot of people during his lifetime and his number was up. He wasted not a single minute of his life, he lived it to the fullest. Anyone that knew him will most certainly agree with me on that. He was a very generous man, more than probably most realized. He always kept cash in his gun safe and often when a close friend would be at our house lamenting about how they needed money for something I would see him walk into where his safe was and pull out $100 to $200 and simply hand it to that person. He never asked to be paid back, he only wanted to help his friend in their time of dire need. Only the recipients knew of him doing this and I know his generosity was never taken advantage of. I must admit that every time he did this it brought a tear to my eye. We were at a point in our lives that he could do that for his friends and he was happy to do it. He also gave of his time and carpentry talent. Wow, just writing this brings back a flood of memories of how much he truly gave during the 17 years I was with him.

I have endured a lot since losing TJ and I believe it too has happened for a reason. I know that many of the people that are in my life now would not be there if TJ had not died. I learned who my true friends were and more importantly I have learned who was toxic in my life. Because of TJ's illness I have become closer to both my brother and my sister. While I was busy grieving TJ, I was not there for my Mother in her final days as much as I should have been but I know she understood. My Mother was a young widow before she married my Father and her words to me after TJ died were priceless and a conversation that I will never forget. For the first time in my life I followed her advice and I so wish she was here to see that I actually listened to her. Yes Mom, you were right about everything. She understood.

When I think about how my life has changed since losing TJ I can't help but believe it happened for a reason. I have grown and changed so very much. His death has forced me to look at life in a completely different light. I appreciate the small stuff so much more. I know TJ is looking at me thinking, "Geesh Sandy, it took my death for you to finally get it!". Yes! Yes, it did. I don't wish the horrors of grief upon anyone, but for me it did wonders for my soul.

I wasn't comfortable with it, but I needed to stop, get out of my own head and see the big picture. I found out that I had been looking at things all wrong. I found new potential, new possibilities and it is liberating. What I thought was a hopeless situation suddenly looked good. I know that there is no pit too deep that I can't climb out of. Life is very simply just a bunch of stories. They all end sooner or later and that is OK. I am moving on to my next story.

I believe we don't always know or understand why things happen. Some things we may never understand why, but there is a reason even though we don't see or understand it. The universe knows and we must put our faith in that.

Am I grateful for TJ's death?....oh HELL NO! But, I can appreciate what it taught me and yes, I do believe it happened for a reason. I believe he died 7 months before my Mother so she could impart her valuable wisdom to me. I believe I needed the people who are in my life now that never would have been if not for his death. I believe I needed this to grow, to learn how to truly live.

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt


  1. Wonderful post. Thank you for sharing. I don't know how I feel about this right now as I am still bitter about Darin's death. I hope to be at peace with his death soon. Your words inspire me to do so. xo

  2. this is wonderful, sandy. i am so glad to hear you have gotten to the other side and can look back at all you've been through with a sense of purpose - and almost gratitude for the trials.

    i hope when i am faced w/ pain and challenges and change, i can do the same.

  3. Well, if there's such a thing as a beautiful outlook following the death of a spouse, you seem to have found that place.

  4. what a powerful post, sandy!
    a wonderful story.

    yes, i certainly do.

    just so you know you're inspiring me!

    have a blessed day!

  5. Absolutely wonderful post!!
    I know exactly what you mean by saying you look at the positive outcome although TJ's death will always be something painful. well done. You are strong!

  6. P O W E R F U L.

    Still trying to figure things out after Kay's murder...And it hurts so much without her. It hurts SOoo Damn MUCH.

    --but I do know one thing for sure.

    GOD LIVES & He has a purpose for our lives.

    That's about all I know...

    Love flowing from Minnesota directly to you Sandy. Xxxx

  7. This post brought tears to my eyes but at the same time, helped me feel better about the current hardships in my own life. The quote from Eleanor Roosevelt is beautiful too. You don't post often, Sandy, but when you do post it is wonderful. Thank you for sharing!

  8. Each life really is a story made up of pages and chapters -- and it's still not finished for us still living. I'm happy you have come to this point, Sandy. And very happy you stopped to visit me. xoxo

  9. Oh Sandy, you just made me cry. You have come a long way. You've done good, girl.

  10. Isn't it funny how death can be such a eye opening experince? I feel the same in regards to daddy's passing. (I hate to say death) But, everyday I look back & see what he meant. Even when half the time he didn't know what he was saying. I feel guilty because I didn't feel that way as much when mommie died, but I had a purpose, I guess, I became so close with daddy & the whole time, I thought it would be mommie that would crush me more. It wasn't, it was daddy. And I really never thought of being a daddy's girl. Mommie & I were buds & shared alot. I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving me, but it hurt me so much more when daddy left me. After 7 still hurts. Just takin' "one day atta time."


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