My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Thursday, July 26, 2012


It is so often that we forget how much the every day world can hurt. It can hurt people we love, people we don't and even people caught up in the middle. It can hurt those who would give absolutely anything if they would just never, ever, get hurt again. Often times the hurt can't be avoided. It comes hurling at us like a meteor whose path of destruction is unknown and nothing can be done to stop it. Other times it can't be seen and sometimes, it lies next to us in the dark only to disappear at the first glimpse of daylight.

The hurt reminds me of what I've known and what I have lost. It reminds me of what was and still is beautiful. Hurt reminds me of love given and love taken away. Love taken away too soon and unfairly. The more it hurts, the deeper the ache, the sweeter the memory. I may hate the hurt, but I have learned to live with it. There is no pain like losing someone you love. It takes a lot of courage to allow yourself to be happy again.

You can't prepare for the loss of someone you love deeply. You can't brace yourself. You may try to brace yourself, but the emotions run too deep. It hits you out of nowhere and suddenly, instantly, the life you knew before is over.....FOREVER.

It is then that you are lost. A lost, wandering soul. You seek the advice of others and surround yourself with trusted friends and family. You begin to gather everything in and listen to what all your advisers have to say. But, in the end, the decision is yours and yours alone. Because, ultimately, when you find yourself all alone, with your back up against the wall, the only voice that matters in the one in your head. It is that voice that is telling you what you probably already knew. It is that voice that is almost always right.

But, there are times that the hurt doesn't come at all. This is when this other thing flutters down upon us out of nowhere and stays just long enough to give us hope. It is during these times, however rare, but just when we need it the most and expect it the least, that we get a break. An unexpected, yet welcome, break.


  1. once again, you lay yourself raw and share so much. but give us hope, too.

  2. So expressive today Sandy. Well written.

  3. ~~~you just described "Mourning" perfectly....and I love this:
    ***the deeper the ache, the sweeter the memory.*** that is quite true.

    Looooove Xxxx

  4. Happy for you that this time has come, Sandy. xo

  5. Your writing entered my heart. Following your blog all this time, because it has been a while, has made me care deeply about you, about your hurt, your pain, and then your hope, your smile, and your future.

  6. I can only imagine all the souls with whom this post will connect. I found my head whispering "yes, yes, yes," all the way through. Sometimes I do feel badly about finding more happy moments than not. I see the rest of my family struggling still with the loss of my sister and I wonder if I should have more moments like theirs. At the same time, she in death she gave me life and there is SO much to be thankful for. She would be very upset with me if I squandered the happy moments away.

  7. Grasp and hold on to those breaks any way you can and they will get longer in time. Trust your own feelings no one can understand your feelings like yourself. Take hugs where you can. HUGS B

  8. I know the hurt so well, and I am hurting really much. It's a beautiful post.


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