My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

What The Hell Happened!

After such a great weekend this week has absolutely sucked. First, I have had no internet service for 2 days thanks to Qwest and I don't think we will have it up and running for a while yet. Tired of it so went to Alltel and got an air card and am canceling Qwest. The price is about the same and I know Alltel is more reliable than Qwest since it has been 6 freaking years that they have refused to bury our phone line that runs in the dirt in front of our house. Notice how I keep say Qwest so anyone who does a search on blogger will see how unhappy I am with Qwest!!!

But even worse than the internet thing is that TJ really has not had a good week. His back has been hurting very bad this week and even the Hydrocodone don't really seem to do a whole lot to alleviate the pain. He still has metal mouth so nothing tastes good to him. He is hungry all the time but is bloated and does not feel like eating and when he forces himself to eat it just doesn't taste good. Kind of like a dog chasing its tail! It breaks my heart but there is really nothing I can do to help him with this, we just have to wait until it passes.

He went for his scan on Wednesday. We of course don't know a thing and it is really eating at both of us. I see depression and fear in TJ, and me, well, I am just terrified. They just don't warn you of all the emotions that you go through with this and how very, very difficult it is on the cancer patient as well as the caregiver. CANCER SUCKS !!

Today I was Tweeted a link to an article about chemo pain that included a formula that a compounding pharmacist can put together as a topical cream to help with the muscle pain of chemo. I typed it up and faxed it to a nearby formulatory asking if he would do it and if I needed a prescription for any of the ingredients. The pharmacist said I did need a prescription so I called Ironwood Cancer Center and spoke with the nurse about it. She said she would have to see the exact formula from the pharmacist and then get approval from the doctor. Within 3 hours the pharmacist was calling me to get TJ's address and birthday so he could finish filling the prescription!!! I was impressed and picked it up on my way home. They don't accept insurance and boy was it expensive but if it helps TJ to feel better then it was worth it. I put some on TJ's back as soon as I got home and will do it again before he goes to bed. Geesh I hope this gives him some relief.

I guess right now I am just hoping for a better day tomorrow. One day at a time is all I can handle. Monday we see Dr. Nabong to get the scan results and I have taken the day off since we really don't have a clue as to what will happen. Heck, there is even a chance they will dump more chemo into him, but we sure hope not.

Battle On TJ, Battle On


  1. God Bless ya hon. Wish I could help. You are both great great people...Keep plugging away! Love Ya both, Ter

  2. Sometimes I thing cancer is harder on the caregiver than the cancer survivor.

    Hoping tomorrow is a better day for both you and TJ.

    One day at a time ... that is all we can do.

  3. I can only imagine how hard it is for you both. Sandra and I think of you both always. I know their will be better days. I will have my fngers and toes crossed Monday when you the scan results.

    LOVE YOU Both

  4. I am posted to the post...My thoughts and prayers go with you both. Love you both,


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