My life changed dramatically and forever when I lost TJ.

I welcome you to follow along as I adjust to my "new normal".

It is not all puppies and ice cream but it is my life....real and honest.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Time Off

Lately I just haven't had much to say and that is pretty rare. I guess I had some sort of blogger fatigue. Thinking you all are tired of hearing all this sad stuff and I am tired of talking about it. But, having said that I am now somewhat rested and ready to catch everyone up on the drama that has become my life.
First of all TJ's mom is still with us, well, at least somewhat. She is in Hospice and as of Sunday is non responsive. I really don't think it will be much longer and at this point it is really time for her to go. Although I know it will be hard on TJ and his sister Kelly, sometimes lingering is just as difficult. She was actually expected to pass sometime this past weekend so Kelly got the grandkids here to see her. Kelly's kids; Nick & Phylicia are here (I say kids but they are both adults and what wonderful people they have turned out to be) and TJ's kids Billy & Rhiannon flew in on Saturday and left this afternoon. Kelly's husband Dennis is also here and I know Kelly was happy when he got in. He is a rock and one of the kindest, most compassionate men I have ever met. We had everyone over on Saturday night for a big family dinner (OK, we provided the house and Kelly bought all the food and cooked) and it was lots of fun. TJ & I have always enjoyed the company of Kelly & Dennis and to have Nick & Phylicia here was just icing on the cake!

TJ's health is a story in and of itself. I am beside myself with what to do for him. His back pain is still terrible. Today he went to our Primary Care Physician who is a DO and had him adjust his back. I spoke with him right after his appointment and he was feeling pretty good. He laid down for a nap at about 1:00 PM today and has not been out of bed since. The pain is too bad for him to even come and lay on the couch. He goes back to our PCP on Thursday and hopefully he will be able to help him. If not, then I have to figure out something else. It has been 6 weeks since his last chemo treatment and there is no reason for him to feel this terrible.

Days like today make me think about those depressing quality of life posters you see in almost all cancer treatment centers and Oncologist offices. His percentages have not looked good the last few days and it completely freaks me out! I just keep telling myself that this is temporary and we will get it figured out but as most of you know there is that nagging in the back of your mind that tells you it is not good, not good at all.

So, time to put on that happy face and see if I can't get him to eat a bit so he can take some more pain meds.

Hard things are put in our way not to stop us, but to call out our courage and strength.

Battle On TJ, Battle On


  1. Geez O Pete. Going through much lately Sandy Cane? I was thinking about you since your birthday is coming up and decided to check in on you. Not sure that was my best idea ever. Ignorance is bliss and all of that. @##$%! Miss you and that crazy girl that I knew in middle/high school. Sending my love to you and your husband. -Mary

  2. My heart goes out to you ... I sometimes think this cancer thing is harder on the caregiver than on the person going through it.

    I hope things improve soon.


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